Success, Money and Love

With the integration of people living with disabilities, I have noticed an increasing trend which I am personally proud of. A lot of women with disability are so economically empowered that they are taking the world by storm. This is brilliant as it enhances women’s independence and confidence but I guess, as with all other things in life, that there are positives and negatives to this. The negative is that so many smart, confident and self-sufficient women with great jobs are single! This baffles me a great deal!

These women have got it going on but the most important thing, which is LOVE, isn’t going on for them. As a sister who has it going on I have concluded that a lot of our brothers must be intimidated by sisters who are smart and successful. Now tell me, how much more intimidated will they be if a sister is not only intelligent, with a better paying job and successful if she also has a disability? Does this add insult to injury?

This topic of conversation is very popular amongst sisters nowadays and all I hear are beautiful, intelligent and successful women complaining about the deficiency of men who have the will to man up. I am not certain if this is a racial thing or not but I do find it is particularly prevalent in the black female population. I would like to believe that this phenomenon isn’t just a black one though; that it’s something that affects women of all races and especially women with a disability.

It is no secret that more and more women with disabilities have upped their ante and they now hold prominent positions in business and communities. With that comes high earnings - and my question is: why do our successes disadvantage us? I find it interesting that - when you do find a man who is not intimidated and is willing to man up - the moment he realises that you earn more than he does he becomes more likely to cheat on you!

“It has been proven that men who were totally dependent on their wives’ incomes were five times more likely to cheat than those who contributed the same amount”.* If this is the case then I can’t help but wonder if the figure goes up if we add the disability factor. I can only imagine what most of you are thinking right now! “Find a wealthy man, who is as intelligent and successful as you are.” Sorry to disappoint you ladies, but it is also proven that men who make a lot more money than their spouses are also more likely to cheat!

The only conclusion I can draw is that low income men cheat because they feel inferior and higher earning men cheat because they can. I honestly feel sorry for low income men and part of me understands the root of their problem. We all know that men perceive themselves as the hunter and provider! It is about time brothers recognise that society is changing - indeed it has already changed - and that manhood is no longer dictated by the size of their pockets.

I hear a lot of men saying that women now have higher standards which makes it even harder for them. What a lot of baloney! In the past, women had the same standards but would settle for less, choosing a man simply because he could provide financially even though he may not have been the ideal life partner. Now that we don’t need them for financial security men lose sight of who they really are and what defines them as a man.

Women don’t. Despite our high paying jobs and the empty space between our satin sheets we never forget who we are and what we want. We are looking for men who are at least as intelligent and as successful as we are. Unfortunately that pool of men is getting smaller and smaller because of the rise in got-it-going-on sisters who are replacing them.

How then do we strike a balance? Men should chill out and stop avoiding women who appear to be strong. They need to eradicate the thought that we are competing with them for power at work therefore we will fight for power at home too. This is exactly the mentality that lures them into affairs with non-threatening women. As long as men perceive a woman as strong she will remain single. We are simply strong women and all we need are equal partners! Strong women make for a better society and I do not think there is anything sexier than a smart and strong woman. Defining us would be the most gruelling task for anyone in this world and for men it’s next to impossible.

Our brilliance makes life easy, our smiles are a dawning of joy and we are blessed with the power to create life! We are suave, we are delightful, we are mysterious and we are inseparably intertwined with men - for the peaceful co-existence of life!

* Cornell University based survey of 18-28 year-olds in the US, presented to the American Sociological Association.

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